Nature Boy and I were watching the news the other night and the story came on about Anthony Weiner texting rude photos of his junk to women. Again.
"Really?" I asked Nature Boy. "I don't understand. I mean, I love you and all, but if you sent me a picture of your nether regions it really wouldn't turn me on. It's nice and everything, but I really don't need to be reminded of its visage. Why does he think this is going to get women all hot?"
"It really isn't the most attractive part of a man's anatomy," Nature Boy replied.
"But if I sent you a photo of my breasts?"
"Yeah, I'd save that."
We discussed it more and decided it's because women aren't really visual. At least, I'm not. Maybe it's because I'm legally blind (without my glasses, at least), but seeing my husband naked and swinging in the breeze makes me more concerned about his sanity than about fulfilling my physical desires. Oh, there's the argument that men enjoy our breasts because they don't have them Well, many men don't. But we don't have a penis and most of the women in my circle of friends aren't obsessed with surrounding ourselves with them.
But then Nature Boy sent me a text that turned me on. Heated me right up.
He made me a new door for my garden. That's right. Garden porn.
I've been begging for it for about three years, after the original garden door fell apart. It was a nice door in the beginning, but time, Wisconsin weather and paper wasps took their toll on it. Plus, the supports had warped so that in order to open the door you had to lift up on the handle, push the fence support away from you, heave the door across the beaten earth and then wedge it open with a big rock. It took so much to open the door that once you actually got in the garden, you were too tired to do anything. And it put a kink in the hose that lessened our already spotty water pressure to a slow trickle and rendered all sprinklers useless.
But we need a door so critters don't get into our garden and eat all our food. It's a definite problem where we live. We're constantly fighting the wildlife for rights to our berries, pumpkins, apple and flowers. We're not just handing our vegetables over, too.
So when I saw this picture, I got hot. Because my husband made that for me. He built me something. Something useful, something I needed, something I wanted. Plus, he made it out of scrap lumber and leftover fencing, so it also was cheap.
Tell me that wouldn't turn you on.